2020: Never the Same

As the calendar turns you can almost hear on the breeze, the collective sigh of relief as we leave 2020 behind a move on to, hopefully, greener pastures. Full of grief and pain, the year could be seen in the light that nothing was right and that it was a wasted year. One that should have been skipped altogether.

Many things can only be seen in hindsight, and I think the beauties that were given to us in 2020 will be much the same. Many of us will be reaping the benefits and also picking up the pieces for years to come.

For our little missionary family it is much like that. Much of what we knew has changed and some is gone completely. But for us, in many ways, this is a welcomed and long fought for change. Like a caterpillar in the process of changed to a butterfly wrestles in it's cocoon to free itself from what once held it safe while it underwent metamorphosis. We now struggle to continue new habits, healthier ways of thinking, and stronger spiritual disciplines that we have seen and believe will lead us into a better and more stable life that would be flexible yet strong enough to handle even a repeat of 2020 if that is what will come.

Though there has been many days in the last year that I have questioned my calling, commitments, sanity, and choices, God has not left me for one second. I am so proud of my family for pushing through when we didn’t see the next step that God was telling us to take. For our extended families for holding us up and helping us through when we needed it most. Each one has played a part in keeping us going in one way or another down the path God has us on. For this, I am so exceedingly thankful.

I am also so thankful for my husband, who concerns himself deeply about our safety and well-being and, even so, trusts God to lead us through the crazy and unsure. I am so thankful and proud of our children, who have gone through all the changes with us, enjoying each location and new friendship and trusting us in every goodbye.

I am also proud of myself, though I know that sounds prideful. I hesitate to say it at all. But I am proud of me. For I have done what I never thought I could do. It has only been from God’s grace and His strength, but I did say yes to it, and I am happy that I did. I am glad that I kept saying yes and that I will continue to say yes, though it still hurts and stretches me.

Christ is my example, and I see in his life no hurry. No desperation to save the world even though he was the only one that could do it! I see a patience and confidence in his Father, and therefore in himself. Though the Father asked Jesus to go to the cross he knew that, through the Father, he would overcome the world.

I will have to read this to myself to remind me later when it is not so clear. But that does not mean that it is not true. Jesus is the truth, not my feelings, perspective, or experience. And he is truth for you too. In the wake of 2020, we could all use a bit of truth and the hope that He brings.

These are my reflections on that which is happening in our lives. To hear more details, please read our updates in The Dean News articles.